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HIS Church of
Reconciliation
Temporarily meeting at:
The Celebration Center
214 W. Grand
Yoakum, Texas 77995
hischurchofreconciliation@yahoo.com
Marriage and Sexual
Intimacy
Pastors
Pete & MaryAlice Garza
July 2010
This is the topic that several people have been asking and
anxiously waiting for. Well here we are in the middle of the month of July
2010. Both my wife and I prayed as to what we should write about for this month
and the Lord placed it in our hearts to write about sex in a marriage. Not too
many people like to talk about subjects like this. It is good for all married
couple or for those couples who are planning to wed to understand sex in a
marital relationship.
Pastor Pete Garza speaking:
As I begin to write on this article I asked God to guide me through
this that whatever I write will come directly from the pure word of God. Let me
start by saying that in my childhood the word sex was hardly if at all, was ever
mentioned in our house. I remember the only times I would hear any one talking
about sex is when I would hear people talking about what they had done with a
girl or a boy, meaning having had sex with them. This was often heard in the
fields where men and women were working. Being that we were migrant workers,
this was nothing new, yet nothing was ever done about such things as this.
Growing up is how I discovered what sex was, but not according to the Word of
God as I know it today. I know that there are many who are out there reading
this article that at one time or another did have sex prior to the time they
decided to marry the love of their life (present wife/husband). We have all
sinned.
As time went on, I found out just how wrong I was in what I was
doing. I was using sex to satisfy my every desire which at that time were
worldly desires. I thank God for repentance and for the forgiveness of sins.
When I married my present wife, we both found out what we had thought was good
sex in our previous marriages, was nothing but lust and perversion. In our
marriage we both vowed to conduct ourselves in line with the Word of God when it
came to our sexual relationship as man and wife. I came to understand by
reading the Word of God, that sex is a gift from God for us to share as man and
wife. The Book of Proverbs 5: 18-19 states “Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with
the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts
satisfy you at all times. And always be enraptured with her love.”
God gave us as man and wife each other to enjoy ourselves in the
unity of sexual enjoyment. Over the past 13 ½ years of my marriage to my wife
Mary Alice, I have learned to understand exactly what God means. This is
something all married couples should understand.
I believe whenever a married man or woman go outside of their
married life to find joy by having sexual relationships with others, this is
when the devil comes in and destroys a marriage. We need to love our wives,
women love your husband’s as God wants us to do. I believe that romance and
Gods’ gift of sexuality are highly recommended within the commitment of
marriage. In the Book of
Hebrews 13:4, it states
“Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed be kept pure.”
God is telling married people just how precious a gift sex is and
how we should cherish this. Not to go around giving our bodies or sharing our
bodies with others just for our personal satisfaction. This is sad to say, but
is continually going on in this world. I love my wife and I treasure the gift
of sexuality which God has given me. One thing I would never do is force my
wife to do anything she is uncomfortable doing. In the Book of
1 Corinthians 7:3-4 it states “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to
his wife and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong
to her alone but to her husband. In the same way the husband’s body does not
belong to him alone but also to his wife.”
Any married couple being in agreement with the word of God who is always making
excuses to his wife or wife to her husband, they are not in obedience to Gods’
command in this area of their marriage. One can understand when one or the
other is tired, sick, having personal female/male problems that would keep she
or him from sharing each other is understandable. When the man turns his wife
down or the wife turns the husband down constantly from being able to enjoy
sexual activity with one another, problems begin to take place. If you are
really doing your part in your marriage, you should not deny one another. I
have read many verses in the Bible dealing with sex and marriages and I know
that God Himself designed sex as part of the unique relationship of a marriage
between a man and wife. In the Book of 1 Corinthians 7: 5 it states, “Do not deprive one another except
with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer: and
come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of
self control.”
I have heard many married men, who ended up being divorced from
their wives due to the fact the wife was always too busy every time the husband
needed her attention and he was always turned down. Most of the time, I would
hear the reason for being turned down was due to the wife sharing her body with
another man. This has happened in both man and woman failing to perform their
part as married men and women. They were not obedient to Gods’ word. They
often make excuses, always trying to justify themselves. I prefer to do my part
that I may prove myself obedient to God's Word. In some marriages when a man
is constantly being rejected by the wife when it comes to having sex as the Word
of God says, either the man or the woman will feel hurt. I can honestly say I
have experienced this in my previous marriages. I choose to remain faithful to
what God says for me to do. I strongly believe that if the husband and wife
place their sexual wants and needs under Gods’ control they will be met. I have
read in the TLB in the Book of
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 it states “For God wants you to be holy and pure to keep
clear of all sexual sin so that each of you will marry in holiness and honor—not
in lustful passion as the heathen do, in their ignorance of God and His ways.” God has made this so very clear to us, yet many continue to
ignore this. Maybe they are out for their own satisfaction, not as husband and
wife. When a husband or wife is denying each other this of their God given gift
(sex), troubles begin to surface. Trust issues will arise then doubts and
accusations will immediately follow. What appeared to be a marriage made in
heaven is now full of distrust, doubt and accusation. Yet, who is to blame?
Who will offer the most excuses as to why he or she never had the time for his
wife or for her husband? I know God knows these if these reasons are true or
not. The main thing is that we are being obedient and honest before God and our
mate. Don't open the door for the enemy to come in and destroy your marriage.
Do not give your wife or your husband any reason for wanting or thinking of
committing adultery simply because you are always too tired or offer to many
excuses as to why either one cannot enjoy this gift with one another. I have
seen this happen too many times, even in godly marriages, even among pastors.
We need to understand that from the beginning it was God who created man and
then a woman so that man would not live alone. Marriage is honorable in the
eyes of God. He intended for a man and a woman to come together in unity and to
be fruitful and multiply and to subdue the earth. This means to have a
relationship to where they would produce and multiply (man and woman engaged in
sexual activity and produce).
I
want to also say that from what I have learned from the Bible concerning sex in
a marriage is this: “I believe marital sex should be honored by both husband and
wife. It is the patient, but passionate discovery of each others’ bodies and
the emotions that we experience when we come so close together in this fashion.
I believe that if a husband and a wife really married each other for true love,
they should not deny or reject one another when it comes to this part of their
marriage. I believe this precious gift of God is to be fulfilled in our married
lives and cherished by both husband and wife “till death do they part,” not
“until the emotional well runs dry.” I cannot speak for every married man and
woman, but I want our sons, daughter, grandchildren, and great grandchildren to
one day read this in their Bible and take it to heart that when they desire to
marry they will always know they did as God commands. I do not want any of our
loved ones to suffer as I personally suffered in my previous marriages before
marrying my present wife, Mary Alice. We had not always obeyed this part of our
marriage but we both came to an understanding that if we truly wanted to please
God in every area of our lives it included not holding back on our time of
intimacy to each other. I thank God for my wife. I pray that whatever I have
written today will help a married couple who are experiencing problems in this
area of their marriage. Be encouraged, when you ask God to help you, He will.
God is concerned and ready to resolve every one of your problems.
God bless each and every one. To my wife, “I love you.”
Pastor Mary Alice Garza speaking:
For years some people have believed and thought that God hates sex
and that he is furious with us because we engage in sexual intercourse. What
God hates and disagrees with is engaging in sexual intercourse outside of
marriage.
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but
whore-mongers and adulterers God will judge.
In our present society we are seeing so many people just living together trying
and testing out the products (mates) they are considering to purchase (marry).
Several years ago, before I married Pete, there was a very nice man that was
seeking a wife, meaning myself, until he informed me of his need and intent to
have sexual intercourse before marrying. I refused to submit to his request and
his defense was, “you don't go and purchase a brand new car without test driving
it first” my response to him was “you might as well go on to another dealership
because this car isn't going to be test driven.” We are women of God and we
need to stand up for righteousness and trust and believe what God has spoken for
our personal lives as well. He said that He would give us the desires of our
heart and we need to believe and wait on the Lord to bring us that man of God
that we are praying for. So don't go and have sex just because the man can't
wait. If he can't wait, then he is not the man God is sending you. This is the
reason God has ordained marriage to prevent us from committing sexual sins.
1 John 2:16-17 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust
of the eyes and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
And the world passeth away and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of
God abideth for ever.
God is our creator and He purposely designed each and every one of
us to live in love, joy, peace and divine unity. He designed man and woman to
perfectly fit as one. This is the reason that sexual intimacy is extremely
important in every marriage.
We are living in a very difficult time where people are strongly
influenced, moved and controlled by television commercials and television
programs that promote and encourage sexual activities. You have food,
toothpaste, cigarettes and beer commercials that have young women wearing a
bikini to introduce the products they are selling. Then you have a husband that
is expecting you to wear a bikini while you are serving dinner and if you don't
then you are not normal. What exactly is influencing our society? Satan and
all his demonic activities is what is controlling our society. This is just a
mild example of where various people are getting their ideas. We need to learn
to be selective in what we are watching. In 2003 the Lord instructed me to go
on a television fast, no television for one month. This television fast has
totally changed my life. This is when I began to spend more time in prayer and
in the presence of the Lord. I was drawn and adapted my time towards a closer
walk with the Lord. This is when I began to hear the Lord in such great
clarity. This is where Satan does not want you to be. He will bring forth all
these things to distract you and keep you away from God's presence.
Distractions come in many forms. It may be a job, sports, friends or anything
that is keeping you from spending quality time with the Lord. Ask the Lord to
show you if you have any distractions that is preventing you from being in HIS
presence.
Some TV shows make women to appear as sex machines and this is a
great misconception. I've spoken to numerous women going through marital
problems and I still have not yet met a woman that is a true sex machine. Don't
misunderstand what I am saying here, we all love sex but we can't handle it 24
hrs a day as men would like us to. This is one of Satan's lies. Sorry to
disappoint you men, but when you learn to spend real quality time with the Lord
you will come to realize that the Lord is requiring more of your time with Him.
Sexual intimacy is vital in every marriage because it builds greater love,
respect, trust, joy, peace, unity and brings forth new creation (our children).
1 Corinthians 7:3 The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy,
which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband. There was a time early in our marriage when I would get into
disagreements with my husband I would not want to be with him and I would try to
punish him by not being with him, taking away what he wanted the most. This is
when I would get in the flesh. Until the Lord showed me that my actions were
evil and this was as witchcraft.
I Samuel 15:23 For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as
iniquity and idolatry.
Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from
being king. There was a time in our marriage that we allowed our problems to be
the primary focus in our lives. We both rebelled against each other and mainly
against God Almighty. We both willingly submitted to Satan. Now, we know that
we are not the only ones that have ever done this. There are several couples
out there that are still doing the same thing. I want to encourage couples to
open your hearts to God so that you could see what Satan is trying to do in your
marriage which is to finally destroy your marriage. Thank God for His mercy and
grace upon our lives.
James 4:1-10 From whence come wars and fighting among you? Come they not hence,
even of your lusts that war in your members? Ye lust, and have not: ye kill,
and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not,
because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may
consume it upon your lusts. Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that
the friendship of the world is enmity with God? Whosoever therefore will be a
friend of the world is the enemy of God. Do ye think that the scripture saith
in vain, the spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy? But he giveth more
grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the
humble. Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee
from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye
sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and
weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.
Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.
We need to operate and live God's Word as true and sincere as possible. This is
vital in our personal lives. Examine your lives and see if there is any
turmoil, then you will find out if you are truly pleasing God or not.
Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may
obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
Ephesians 5:1-10 Follow God's example in everything you do, because you are
his dear children. Live a life filled with love for others, following the
example of Christ, who loved you and gave himself as a sacrifice to take away
your sins. And God was pleased, because that sacrifice was like sweet perfume
to him. Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity or greed among you. Such
sins have no place among God's people. Obscene stories, foolish talk and coarse
jokes--these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. You
can be sure that no immoral, impure or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of
Christ and of God. For a greedy person is really an idolater who worships the
things of this world. Don't be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins,
for the terrible anger of God comes upon all those who disobey him. Don't
participate in the things these people do. For though your hearts were once
full of darkness, now you are full of light from the Lord, and your behavior
should show it! For this light within you produces only what is good and right
and true. Try to find out what is pleasing to the Lord and then try to
pursue pleasing our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 7:5 So do not deprive each other of sexual
relations. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both
husband and wife to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time, so they can
give themselves more completely to prayer. Afterward they should come together
again so that Satan won't be able to tempt them because of their lack of
self-control.
This is another important issue. This is one of many reasons that some turn to
pornography. Seeking satisfaction on their own and not waiting on God. The
eyes are a door entrance to our soul. When you watch and accept perverted
movies or magazines the normal reaction will be that perversion will also come
out from within. This is another area that tries to make women appear as sex
machines which is a lie straight from Satan. I was once told by a police
officer that 75% of the prostitutes arrested were really men portraying to be
women. This is something to really take to heart. God is requiring us to use
self control in every area of our life. This is a powerful scripture and true
when you are able to fulfill this scripture there is such great discipline
gained in your life. This is when you see God's great and mighty power at
work.
One bit of advise to men, you can not be in the middle of an
argument and then expect your wife to want to make love. It's not going to
happen. When you allow Jesus Christ to truly be the Head of your household you
will have only love, joy, peace and unity and this is where He is able to give
you all the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires
of thine heart. This is a promise from
God. This is where I have found my greatest desire for being with my husband.
Song of Songs 2:16 "My beloved is mine, and I am his.
Precious Father, loving, merciful, forgiving Father, and Father of
2nd chances. We just want to say thank you for your Word that lives
in us. We thank you for never leaving us nor forsaking us in times when we were
rejected and we disobeyed your Word. You forgave us and accepted us just the
way we were. Thank you for accepting us and gave us peace, that only you can
give, and the strength to hold on to your Word. We ask that you search the
hearts of those men and women who are in a marriage today that have or are going
through problems in their sexual marital obligations, that they turn to you for
their need knowing that you are more than able to correct any problems.
Father, if there are any married couples out there that do not know you, that
they come to have a relationship with you. We pray that every married couple
will comply with your Word in every aspect of their marriage. We thank you
Father and we give you all the Praise, all the Glory, and the entire Honor in
the name of JESUS CHRIST! Amen.
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